Been on quite the journey this past year, not the spiritual kind, a real honest to goodness traveling journey. My partner and I traveled from Montreal to Prince Edward Island to Provincetown, MA to New Mexico onto California and finally to beautiful British Columbia. It has been the most amazing journey. Along the way, we met some pretty special people and were able to spend some good quality time with family and friends. It has been such a blessing.

Now it is time to settle in and ground myself in new suroundings. I am fortunate enough to have this incredible provincial park in my backyard. Seriously, I can walk out the back door and hike up to this amazing water fall. It is a truly magical place. There is something about the sound of rushing water, and the feel of it as it sprays a mist onto your face. One can’t help but to be in the moment, in the right now as I stand watching the water as it falls down the mountainside and flows down the stream. Perfect stillness in motion. Silence amongst the crashing and roaring water falls.

Total stillness of being comes when all resistance to movement is absent.

When all resistance to movement is absent,

there is complete stillness, an alive stillness,

a vital stillness which is pure movement without resistence.

Adyashanti

The known is least true.

The unknown is more true.

That state which is prior

to knowing and not knowing

is the truth itself.

The plot twist changes. But underlying that, something is the same, and as far back as you remember.

Don’t look to make good decisions or the best decision or even the right decision. Make the decision that best expresses and manifests who and what you know yourself to be.

Adyashanti

“The essence of you is everything you ever see, taste, touch, and experience. Everywhere you go, every step you take, every breath you take is actually happening by the essence, of the essence, in the essence, and to the essence. All the rest is noise and chatter.” Adyashanti

I read these words. Are they mere words? Do these words have any real truth to them? Not too long ago, they were just words for my mind to ponder. Now, when I read these words about essence, I can feel the truth of these words in every cell of my body. It’s not just in my mind for me to imagine and wonder how to make me feel this way.

This is how living the truth happens, living an awakened life. It is when there is a deep realization that the essence of life is living this life. There isn’t a “me” that is living a life.  This essence is everything and everywhere. It is the energy of life, the movement, the dance. Here I am (the essence) watching it all through these eyes.

It’s been six months to the day since my father passed. As I sit here typing away on my computer, I reflect on all of the changes that have occurred in my life in these past six months. Some of the changes are major life changes while others are more subtle.

What I wish to gain from this life altering experience is a deeper understanding of the living spirit. And make no mistake about it I do have a strong sense that the spirit of my father is as alive as it ever was.

As of late, I have been focusing my meditation on moving past this physical form, and trying to touch that which is in us that is formless. I am able to get there in my meditation. And once I am there, I try to stay there and let it penetrate me. What does it feel like to be formless? What does it feel like to be no-body and no-thing, absolute no-thing-ness?  There are no answers to these questions. The questions have to be experienced.

Adyansti talks about what he imagines the experience of death will be like. I love how he describes this experience. He says, “death is just the next experience- that’s all it is. It’s the next experience; it’s a different experience than sitting here talking to you, but ultimately it’s the next experience that consciousness has.” He goes on to say, “at the moment of physical death, there is the dropping away of the physical experience. In a way, it’s a forced awakening.”

I close my eyes and let go. I know my true self to be formless. And I allow myself to be just that. I let everything else drop away. I stay with this experience….until I open my eyes and let the world back in.

I’m being drawn to open up a book that I once read, “Be as you are, the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi”, edited by David Godman. I don’t know, maybe it’s those peaceful deep set smiling eyes on the cover of the book, calling me in.

My brother-in-law, David Michelson, wrote a beautiful song about those eyes, “Ramana’s Eyes”.

I recall a time in my journey where I could not read enough spiritual books, could not listen to enough CD’s and tapes, could not obtain enough knowledge. I was always searching, searching for answers. I needed to know “The Truth”. I mistakenly thought that if I read that one sentence, then enlightenment would happen. I would miraculously awaken.

I finally realized that I was looking for truth in the wrong place. I was trying to find it in my mind instead of my heart. Here I was searching, going on this so called “journey”. And the truth was there all along. Staring me in the face, like Ramana’s eyes. The truth never left me. I left it.

I would read and read. Sit in meditation, waiting to wake up, trying to make myself silent. And Silence was already there. Awareness was always present. Awareness is always there. Awareness is, all there is.

I finally realized that there is no goal to reach, nothing new to obtain. All that was ever needed was a deep realization of what and who I am, what I always was and will be, what is always and forever. It finally sunk in. I am Awareness. How could I look for and try to obtain something that I already was, Awareness itself. It’s the big cosmic joke, trying to search for something that was there all along.

Now, as I look at those smiling eyes of Ramana, I can smile back at him.

I was walking in the woods the other day with the dogs, watching them run and play with each other. These simple moments bring me such joy, pure pleasure. I feel the cold brisk air on my cheeks and am aware of the afternoon sun setting through the bare trees. I listen to the sound of the white snow crunching under my feet as I make my way through the forest.

As I watch the dogs chasing one another, it is quite apparent to me that they are fully present. No thought is involved. I see the smiles on their faces and the light in their eyes. And there is no thought. They look up at me, waiting to see which path we will take.  I follow the green trail, as usual, no thought is involved. My feet lead the way, not my mind.

I am feeling pure bliss in this moment. There is no place I’d rather be. I feel fully alive and fully connected to the world that I am a part of. I could continue walking for hours, but alas, life moves me in another direction, out of the forest and back towards the car. There is no thought involved as I follow my feet, not my mind.

I was reading some quotes written by my spiritual teacher, Adyashanti. This one in particular really resonates with me.

“That which you are is totally in love with seeing Itself everywhere.”

 To me, this is the key that opens the door. Seeing that what we are Is seeing Itself everywhere. And that it loves seeing Itself everywhere is the whole point of this life that we are living. That’s it. Life wants to experience itself. Life loves to experience Itself in every way. When we let go of everything, that includes expectations and trying to control the outcome, and we can truly accept what is, we begin to become lovers of what is. Here lies the secret of putting an end to suffering. When we are no longer trying to control an outcome or putting expectations on events, then we can accept what is happening whether it is joyful or painful and just be there and truly experience it. You will begin to see the beauty in everything. Yes, everything. You will come to realize that everything is the One. The One is manifesting itself as a duck or as an eagle or a dog or whatever the One wants to experience life as.  Sometimes Life wants to experience sadness, death or broken heartedness. And even this is beautiful!

When we realize that everything is the One and the One is totally in love with seeing Itself everywhere, we start to let go and just Be that One. Here is your invitation to let go and as Adyashanti so poignantly puts it, “Enjoy Yourself”!

I’ve been reading poetry from my favorite spiritual teacher, Adyanshanti, from his book, “My Secret is Silence”. He has such a beautiful way of speaking the Truth.

One quote of his, really hits home to me. I have actually heard him say this quite a few times. “You are not a walking mistake. You are not a problem to be solved”.

Whenever I feel really down on myself, I try to remember those words. It lifts the weight of the world off of my shoulders. It really does. These words help to remind me that I don’t have to Do anything. I don’t have to Be anything. I don’t have to Solve or Fix anything. Life is doing all of the doing through me. I just need to simply take my hands off of the steering wheel and let Life do the driving.

My daughter, Samantha, would call me and tell me about her woes. I would simply listen. And then, I would gently remind her that She was not a problem that needed solving. After these words were spoken, I could hear the sigh in her voice, a gentle releasing of all of the stress and worry that she was carrying around with her. She would then say, “thanks, Mom”. And she would hang up and go about her day.

These words are very powerful. You Are Not a Problem to be Solved!!!

I went to a five day silent retreat in the beautiful hudson valley a couple of months ago. One rainy day, while sitting in a small room for meditation, I happened to look up at the chalkboard on the wall.

I saw these words “Be Still and Know That I am God”. I remember hearing or reading these words long ago. They come from the Bible. I do not recall where exactly they can be found. But I distinctly remember this phrase.

As I looked up at the board, I saw these words were separated out like this:

Being

Stillness

Knowing

That I am

God

Written out this way, the phrase took on a whole new meaning for me. These words are all pointers to the same thing. The hidden meaning behind this phrase is that We Are This. We are: The Being, The Stillness, The Knowing, the That I am and God!

I found myself meditating on this phrase in this way. It became a powerful mantra for me.

Be Still… and Know, That I am… God!

Rest in the stillness, knowing that you are that stillness, you are that Being, you are God.