When do we give up on our dreams? Somewhere along the journey, many of us give up on our childhood dreams. Remember when we were young and we pretended to be actors or super heroes? We were so excited about our future goals of being writers or even the president. And now what are we doing? At what point do we give up on our dreams ? Do they become unrealistic and just pie in the sky illusions far out of our reach?

I have asked myself these questions at many different points in my life. Of course we have to make a living and support our families and deal with life’s many challenges along the way. Sometimes we come to crossroads where we are given opportunities to make changes. It is at these moments where there may be space created to review our current life’s directions and where we are focusing our energy.

Where there is energy there is power. Take a moment to analyze where your energy is strongest. What gets you exited in life? Where is your passion? Is there any way to channel this energy into creating new oppurtinities for yourself? Can you take back your dream? Are we really as limited as we thought we were, or are we limitless and boundless spirits with the ability to create and live out our dreams?

It’s been six months to the day since my father passed. As I sit here typing away on my computer, I reflect on all of the changes that have occurred in my life in these past six months. Some of the changes are major life changes while others are more subtle.

What I wish to gain from this life altering experience is a deeper understanding of the living spirit. And make no mistake about it I do have a strong sense that the spirit of my father is as alive as it ever was.

As of late, I have been focusing my meditation on moving past this physical form, and trying to touch that which is in us that is formless. I am able to get there in my meditation. And once I am there, I try to stay there and let it penetrate me. What does it feel like to be formless? What does it feel like to be no-body and no-thing, absolute no-thing-ness?  There are no answers to these questions. The questions have to be experienced.

Adyansti talks about what he imagines the experience of death will be like. I love how he describes this experience. He says, “death is just the next experience- that’s all it is. It’s the next experience; it’s a different experience than sitting here talking to you, but ultimately it’s the next experience that consciousness has.” He goes on to say, “at the moment of physical death, there is the dropping away of the physical experience. In a way, it’s a forced awakening.”

I close my eyes and let go. I know my true self to be formless. And I allow myself to be just that. I let everything else drop away. I stay with this experience….until I open my eyes and let the world back in.

I’m being drawn to open up a book that I once read, “Be as you are, the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi”, edited by David Godman. I don’t know, maybe it’s those peaceful deep set smiling eyes on the cover of the book, calling me in.

My brother-in-law, David Michelson, wrote a beautiful song about those eyes, “Ramana’s Eyes”.

I recall a time in my journey where I could not read enough spiritual books, could not listen to enough CD’s and tapes, could not obtain enough knowledge. I was always searching, searching for answers. I needed to know “The Truth”. I mistakenly thought that if I read that one sentence, then enlightenment would happen. I would miraculously awaken.

I finally realized that I was looking for truth in the wrong place. I was trying to find it in my mind instead of my heart. Here I was searching, going on this so called “journey”. And the truth was there all along. Staring me in the face, like Ramana’s eyes. The truth never left me. I left it.

I would read and read. Sit in meditation, waiting to wake up, trying to make myself silent. And Silence was already there. Awareness was always present. Awareness is always there. Awareness is, all there is.

I finally realized that there is no goal to reach, nothing new to obtain. All that was ever needed was a deep realization of what and who I am, what I always was and will be, what is always and forever. It finally sunk in. I am Awareness. How could I look for and try to obtain something that I already was, Awareness itself. It’s the big cosmic joke, trying to search for something that was there all along.

Now, as I look at those smiling eyes of Ramana, I can smile back at him.

I was walking in the woods the other day with the dogs, watching them run and play with each other. These simple moments bring me such joy, pure pleasure. I feel the cold brisk air on my cheeks and am aware of the afternoon sun setting through the bare trees. I listen to the sound of the white snow crunching under my feet as I make my way through the forest.

As I watch the dogs chasing one another, it is quite apparent to me that they are fully present. No thought is involved. I see the smiles on their faces and the light in their eyes. And there is no thought. They look up at me, waiting to see which path we will take.  I follow the green trail, as usual, no thought is involved. My feet lead the way, not my mind.

I am feeling pure bliss in this moment. There is no place I’d rather be. I feel fully alive and fully connected to the world that I am a part of. I could continue walking for hours, but alas, life moves me in another direction, out of the forest and back towards the car. There is no thought involved as I follow my feet, not my mind.